Nirvana

My usual day is full of action, emotion and drama....

Typically, my day starts at 6 in the morning when the cook rings the bell. I wake up cursing my self for keeping a cook -but for her, I could have slept a little longer. All such thoughts vanish by the time I reach the door-I send a silent thanks to God for getting me a cook who can come so early to work.
I give her instructions and busy myself in the mundane chores of getting ready to get out of the house by 7:30. I wake up hubby dear and the little one and go to take bath. 7:20 am - I am out of the bathroom and Hubby has readied the little one. I look forward to the morning cup of chai.. 7:25 and the little one has a 'Eureka' moment. She remembers teacher has told them to cover the assignment file. I know there is no point arguing with her so I immediately rush to find the paper, scissors and cellotape. As I complete covering the file, Hubby is having his morning cuppa and lecturing on being more organized and disciplined to both of us; but I am already on my way out. My cup of tea is cold and I have to leave it halfway.

At the elevator, I realize I need to leave pocket money for the college going son. I ring the bell and the door is opened by an angry looking husband(when was the last time I saw him smiling...). I kick myself for not giving enough time at home. We reach the school bus in the nick of time and I wave to her till the bus turns the corner.

8:10am my day at office starts. I am one of the early comers. I am pleased with the calm in the office after the hurricane at home. I log into my emails- sure enough there are 8-10 new mails even though I have checked my mails late in the night. I check my list of things to do and add more items to it. Recently, the organization has taken over another company and we are integrating the both the teams. Even though integration is still going on, there are tough targets to meet in the remaining quarter. I once again glance through my targets for the quarter. I am determined to overachieve on them-by now I have forgotten my busy morning at home.

As the morning progesses, I am reviewing plans and roadmaps sent by my teams, talking to them on progress, issues, advising them and enthusing them to do better. I realize I need all the energy in the world to make sure they are charged up. I need another cup of tea. In between this,I call my son to check if he has woken up; check whether he ate something and remind him to get out early to reach college in time

Before Lunch time, I get a message from one of my senior managers to call her immediately.  She comes from that part of the organization which has been newly integrated . I sense the urgency in the message and call her. She has a good offer in hand and wants to resign. I ask her if we can do anything to match the offer; but she says the company that has offered her is headquartered out of her city and that is why she sees potential for growth. I tell her that in todays world, location is immaterial and to rethink over the weekend. I guess out of respect, she agrees to rethink over the weekend. My mind is already thinking on impact and backup plans.

Some more calls with global counterparts in the afternoon, some calls with two managers in the team who don't seem to agree on each others approach. I am determined to make them see each others view point and reach a consensus. By the end of the call, I have partially achieved this. I make a mental note of giving at least one of them a strong message on collaboration.
The last call is with the integrated team; to communicate to them about their roles and responsibilities in the new organization structure. I deliberately try to keep the tone calm and breezy. The last call is to tackle some show-stopper issues. At 6:30 in the evening as I finish the last call; I feel drained of energy. I must rush back home to pick daughter from the creche. I see a message from hubby saying he has already picked her up. On my way back, I am taking stock of what I completed and what I did not.

I reach home at 7:30 and am greeted by the little one watching TV and hubby on conference calls. I freshen up, light the diya, call the little one and say the evening prayers. I start cooking for the evening dinner and am determined to give the family a hot and fresh dinner. In between, I realize the elder one has not reached home and give him a call. He is hanging around with friends discussing assignments. I must talk to him in the night and check out more on what is going in his life. 

Hubby dear does not like one of the sabzi's (even without tasting) and is ready to do with an omelette. The little one wants to follow him. The volcano in my mind is ready to burst. But I silently count 1 to 100 and try to remind myself that hubby had single handedly looked after the kids when I was away in Paris for a week.

9:30 at night, I have just finished all my work and want to relax. The little one remembers a homework she needs to do and needs my help. By the time I retire to bed at 11 in the night, I am totally exhausted.

I think of the wise men who attained spiritual enlightenement and nirvana by going away to the forests and meditating in peace. Suddenly, their life seems very attractive :)

On second thoughts, I realize that I need to achieve nirvana amidst my daily life.... 

Homecoming

Last week, I had to travel for office work to Paris for four-five days.

I travel internationally fairly often but given the challenges of managing on the homefront with two growing children and a husband who also travels, I try to limit long distance travel. I was travelling after seven months this time.

When I broke the news to my 8 year old daughter; she was in tears-she simply hated me going away. My elder son 18 years in age took the news more calmly. Over the weekend, I shopped for the provisions to make their life easier, I talked to my daughters friend and her mom to be extra caring towards my little one. I also tried convincing her(though without much success ) that it would be fun messaging each other and talking on phone and connecting on email which we hadn't done for sometime.

Finally, it was time to go. With tears in her eyes, my daughter gave me a snap of hers and asked me to see the snap everytime I remembered her. Both the children came down to see me off at the waiting cab. When the cab started, I was heartbroken to see her sobbing. On my way to the airport, I called her twice and promised to be back soon.

In Paris, between meetings, I regularly messaged my son and husband and called up the little one to reassure her that I would be back soon and life would be normal. One night, she messaged me to say that she had found a dress of mine and she was going to sleep with it that night, so that she would remember me.

Four days flew fast for me with back to back meetings which went on till late in the day. But the little one back home was counting every day. On Friday, as soon as the flight landed at mumbai, I called home to say I had reached and would be back home in an hour or two. When I reached home, sure enough my daughter was awake. Her eyes were smiling and she was relieved that I was back home with her. While the men of the house were happy I was back, the little one really made it special for me.

Half an hour later, she slept peacefully in my arms.

The homecoming reminded me of a time long ago; when I was a young girl of my daughters age. My mother would come home from office at six in the evening. Every day around that time, I would leave my friends and wait expectantly for her at the gate of the complex. Only when I had seen my mother's familiar figure, I would go back to playing with my friends. If she was delayed I would feel restless and tensed. My mother would try to convince me not to worry about her, but every day only after I saw my mother and knew that she had reached home safely was I able to really enjoy playing with my friends.

I realize how lucky I am to have a daughter; it is the women of the house who make homecoming special and memorable.

Knowing there is someone waiting for you so dearly always brings you back faster...

The 'Chosen One....'

This was some years back, perhaps when my daughter was just 3 years old...

She was sitting on the window ledge and I was trying to feed her. I asked her how she was born in our family. She embarked on a story.. She said once when she was flying in the sky- she saw me hanging out the clothes to dry in the window. She immediately decided that this is the 'mamma' that she wants. She went and told God - Please send me to this 'Mamma'. And that is how she landed in our family. Later when I told this story to my husband and he again asked her how she came into our family - she told him the same story - except this time she told him she had seen him watching the TV and had decided she wanted this 'Papa'...

I am still amazed at how a little 3 year old can make you feel like "The chosen one..." and make you feel even more responsible then ever for doing what is right for her...

On Success

This week was one of the most important weeks in my life. My Ph.D thesis was accepted by the University and I received the Congratulatory letter.

I had waited for this moment for a very long time. I had taken admission in 2006, submitted the thesis in 2010 and finally and formally received the letter of acceptance in 2011.  Five years is a long time to cherish a dream, especially if you are trying to do the program with a full time demanding corporate job, two growing children and a growling husband :)

Today as congratulatory messages pour in from family, friends and colleagues, I reflect upon the long journey of my Ph.D program and what I learnt from it.

1) The Ph.D program was a goal I set for myself in 2005-2006. It was the result of a setback I received that year on the career front. The setback made be rethink what I wanted to do and how.

I realise that today's success is the result of an adversity. The adversity created an intense desire in me to find and reach new heights.

2) The Journey was long - filled with hopes and despair in equal measure. On somedays, the odds seemed unsurmountable, the challenges immense and the wait endless.

Along the way, I learnt that our spirit has to transcend above everything. 

3) Apart from the knowledge that I got and the "Dr." before my name, I learnt lessons in patience, persistence and perseverance. I learnt that these are as important as focus, hard work, integlligence.

4)  During days when nothing seemed to work, it helped to sit aside and reflect.I learnt that all problems and solutions are in our mind.

                                                                                       

5) Finally, I learnt the value of prayers. I learnt that it was important to put my best but put the rest in God's hand!!

Dr. Maneesha

My blog

What is this blog about?

This blog is my personal reflections on everyday things that happen in my life as a mom, wife, friend, mentor, daughter, sister and a career woman.

In my 40's, I find myself reflecting a lot on what is right, what is wrong, what is meaningful , what is wise and what is otherwise.

I am hoping that this blog will help me share my perspective on  life.
Maneesha