Less than perfect

I must admit I am a perfectionist at heart...

I want to make a success of everything I do. If I were to take up a project, I want to deliver it to perfection; If I  have to make a presentation I want it to be perfect. I think a lot and from different perspectives to turn out a perfect piece of work.

But I am realizing that it is okay sometimes to not  be perfect.... 

During my daughter's term exams, there was a part of her studies which was difficult and would require a lot more practice. The day before the exams, we were short of time and there was no time to revise. While I stressed about it, my daughter saw no reason to do so. She said if there were questions on that chapter they would at the most carry two - three marks.It was okay not to get full marks in one exam - what's the big deal she said.

Got me thinking - really what was the big deal? If she did not get full marks and she was less than perfect in her third grade what really was the big deal. I guess, I am learning to be cool from the kids :).

Sometimes, the imperfections lend beauty and charm. My son, when he was a kid would love to dine at hotels and appreciated the good food. Now as a young teenager, I find he loves to eat at home. Even his most favorite dishes, he insists I cook it for him. While I can cook the dishes, I am sure they are far from perfect and perhaps nothing close to what is available in the restaurant. But he relishes the less than perfect dishes at home.

At office, I see sometimes the upcoming managers do work which is less than perfect. It is not well rounded, all perspectives are not well thought out, but the  innovative approach, underlying passion and good intentions shine through. And I am impressed...


Over the years I have also realized, that most times, conditions are not perfect whether at home or office. In any situation, I have learnt to identify that which can change and that which cannot be changed. I have learnt to accept that which cannot be changed.


It is the less than perfect conditions that bring out the best in us.

There is no education like adversity

There is no education like adversity - Benjamin Disraeli

Recently, I learnt the role of adversity in bringing up children.

I have a young lady-Suchi in my team whom I find remarkable in many ways. I find that at a young age, she has the ability to review a situation, size up the challenges, make decisions  and move ahead. She is very well organized and plans her tasks well. Apart from this, she is very balanced, collaborates well with others and has the ability to make non-issues out of issues. Needless to add, she has quickly become a valuable team member.

Three months back, Suchi lost her father quite suddenly.

Obviously,  it was a big blow to her. After she resumed back at work,  over our early morning 'chai', she often recounted memories of her father and her growing years. While it helped her healing process, for me - they were big lessons in parenting.

Her father had suffered a major accident when her tenth standard year had just started. He was in hospital for a few months. He recovered from the accident but had to leave his job.  Since her mother was not working, this naturally put a strain on the family's finances. Suchi had a younger brother and this adversity suddenly made her a responsible elder in the family.

She often recounts how she learnt to organize finances, manage banking transactions and take overall responsibility in the house. Over the next couple of years, the family learnt to manage with limited resources. All major decisions in the family were taken keeping the children's education at the highest priority.

After completing her engineering degree and starting to work, the financial situation improved. This event had made Suchi realize the need for financial security and she systematically invested in gold, bought a house in a far off suburb and saved for her marriage expenses. She proudly told me once how she did all the property transactions on her own. Later she married a colleague in her first job, had a daughter, bought another house with her husband. Her parents and brother (who in the meantime, also completed engineering and started working) sold off their old house and took a flat in her building to help her with bringing up her young daughter.

Suchi always had tremendous support of her parents - throughout her difficult pregnancy, her child's growing years, whenever she needed to travel for office work. Her parents have always been there for her and her husband. She often told me how much pride her father took in his daughter's achievements and how much both the grandparents enjoyed bringing up the granddaughter.

Suchi's story to me has valuable lessons in parenting for all of:

(1) While all of us want the best for our children and try to clear all the hurdles in their path; here was an example of how adversity had helped shape Suchi's personality. It gave her lessons in planning, foresight and focus that no B.school could teach. 

(2) Suchi's parents may not have been able to provide financially very well for the children but they made sure that all their efforts and money was prioritized towards the children's upbringing. This made sure that the children were even more focused towards education and career. The children knew that they needed to succeed and bring happiness to their parents. Her parents compensated for the lack of finances with a lot of love, attention, support and confidence in their children's abilities. 


Compare this to the situation around us today. We see many rich and well-to-do families send their children to the best of schools and colleges with the power of money, provide children with branded goods and provide for costly tuition's. They compensate for their lack of attention with all that money can buy. We also often hear and read about children from well to do families who go astray, loose ambition and even while away their life. 

(3) Suchi once told me that after this particular incident, she has not been fazed by any other problem in life. Every other problem seemed trivial as compared to what she went through. I think she also learnt valuable lessons in how families need to stay together in the face of adversity, prioritize on the most important things of life and help each other succeed. 

As for her parents, what better rewards in the autumn of their life- than to see their children turn into fine and capable young people who will pass on these values to the next generation.

To the Women in my life

Today on Woman's day, I want to pay a tribute to the many women who have made a deep impression on me.

Ofcourse, the list has to start with my mother. She started working immediately after matriculation at 17 with a Government office  to support her family of three sisters and one brother. Married at the young age of 20, and a young mother at 21. I was her firstborn and my sister came five years later and the youngest son another two years later. What was remarkable, was that my father encouraged my mother to continue education after marriage and even while working and with three children, she managed to complete her postgraduate studies. Some of my early childhood memories are of my mom locking herself in a room to study because the three of us tried to trouble her. While she completed her post graduation, she never tried to climb the career ladder till I got married and the other two were well in college. I think she sacrificed on this front to ensure that she did not neglect her family responsibilities. My father passed away fifteen years back and while I was married, the younger two were still to settle down. Looking back, I realize how important her support was to all of us through our life struggles. Often, I reach out to her on phone to talk about the turmoil in my mind and feel much better after talking to her. Many a times, I have realized many of her friends and relatives do the same with her.

Another woman in my life, from whom I learnt much is perhaps my mother-in -law. The key lesson I learnt from her was how to economize on the household front; how to run the house with a limited budget and yet ensuring everybody's needs were very well met. I got first hand lessons on financial planning from her which will stay with me for a lifetime.

There were many women who impressed me over the years- My maid of fourteen years who looked after my kids and who worked herself a lot with the dream of making her son an educated man, an elderly professor who did her Phd along a corporate job and then got into teaching (my inspiration to do the PhD), my sister who has managed to use her creativity to run a successful business from home, a neighboring woman who spent an entire year trying to nurse her sick husband back to health, a very successful estate agent with whom I interacted and realized that behind her successful professional face was a  mother trying to cope up with a young son with Attention Deficit Syndrome(ADS). I often meet women trying to cope with difficult in-laws, difficult husbands, trying to balance home and work, striving to be financially independent, striving to give time to their children, trying to give support to loved ones, trying to nurture their talents and dreams, trying to grow wings, competing against men and outwitting them and all the time striving to find the balance between all the different worlds before them.

I also learn all the while from the young one at home growing into a young lady with her own heart and mind. I realize, she too will one day face the real world  and perhaps realize that the world is not as rosy as her idealistic mind would want it to be. But, I also know that she will find the courage and the will to face the world on her own terms.

Happy Women's Day !!!

Life is simple

I love doing the mundane chores..

I love making the beds, cleaning the cobwebs, hanging out the clothes, folding them neatly and keeping them in their proper places. In fact, after a hard day at office I appreciate the chance to do these mundane chores.

Some people find it surprising. But, I like doing these little things because it helps remind me that life is actually simple.

No doubt, Our metro lives and competitive careers have made our lives complex and stressful. We are continuously running, stressing and worrying about doing everything right and being successful. 

But life is actually meant to be simple. 

We need food, we need shelter, we need to educate our children and we need to grow and learn. To do this, we need to work and we need to earn. Sometimes, we forget this simple truth and end up working ourselves for all the wrong reasons - to buy a bigger house, to have a foreign vacation, to get one up over our competitors. We want to get it right and perfect and want to portray a successful image.

Not only do we stress ourselves, but we also stress our children and want them right from childhood to be role models of success. Many parents stress their children over studies and push them to their limits.

But, we have forgotten that life is actually simple- it is about satisfying our basic needs, about taking care of our loved ones, giving them support,  and appreciating the good things of life. It is about growing ourselves not only professionally, financially and intellectually but also about growing spiritually, in spirit and grace and in generosity. 

The next time we stress ourselves, we need to rethink our priorities. It is important to put our best efforts in everything we do, we also need to  keep motivating ourselves to achieve higher goals - but, we need to ensure that we maintain balance in all the areas of our life.


And, sometimes it is okay to not be perfect and to not win the game. It is okay to lie low, mull over what went right and what went wrong, re-energize our batteries, set new goals, take some risks and set out once again with renewed energies.


Confucius had once said 'Life is simple'. It is-based on the attitude we adopt.